ZineWiki:Introduction

     I was sitting at the little cafe we used to go to and as i'm sitting in our old booth, coffee in my hand just absorbing the warmth. I found myself watching a movie of our memories. I was sitting there smiling, probably looking like an idiot, because I remembered all the times you would take me here. You would call me when I was studying, when I was reading, and when I was just slumming it. You were always up for an adventure, and that was one of the things that I liked about you. 
              I remember the first time that I met you, you were really quiet and always played by yourself. No one ever included you in anything. My friends were picking on you and I stood up to them and played with you instead. Since that day we were stuck like glue. Everywhere you went I went and everywhere I went you went. When we got a little older we found a park to hang out at and we would have competitions to see who could swing the highest. I always won so you made a new rule to add to the competition so you could see who was better. We had to see who could swing the highest and jump off of the swing mid air. You won of course but you also broke your arm. At first I thought it was funny but it was that blood curdling scream that sent chills through my body that made me realise I should get you home. When we arrived back at your house you, your mom, and myself drove to the hospital. After the doctor put the cast on I came into the room and saw that you sitting on a chair, The doctor asked which color wrap you wanted around the cast and you picked red and smiled at me, knowing it was my favorite color. 
       In middle school, I had lost a lot of confidence in myself because I was worried more about what other people thought of me than what I thought of myself. This caused me to distance myself from you because I was paranoid and I was putting myself down and this also caused my grades to go down which caused a lot more stress on me and my parents. I was constantly getting in trouble and I never did what I was told, which caused me to resent my parents because I thought that they were against me or something. You stepped in and told me to stop self pitying and to own up to my mistakes. You helped me through it all, my relationship with my family, you helped me get my grades up, and you also built my self confidence slowly but surely. After the mess with school and my family we hung out a lot more than we did, which was a lot.
         You wanted me to come over one day after school which wasn't out of the ordinary for us. As I was walking to your house in the brisk evening air, I was playing around with the fog that emitted from my mouth into the cool night just to pass time faster. When I got to your house we watched the movie Children of the Corn because horror movies were our favorite. After the movie had finished we turned around on the couch facing each other sitting indian style just looking at eachother until you decided to play twenty one questions. We already knew almost everything about eachother but you said that its always good to play because you learn something new about the person you're playing with, and you couldn't have been more right because that was when I found out that you liked to cook. Having learned this new-found information, I told you to cook me something. You tried to make me spaghetti but you over cooked it in the process. So we settled on trying to bake a cake together. What a mistake that was. I remember that I was stirring the batter and you decided it would be funny to throw flour at me and my idea of revenge was to spray you with the kitchen hose. After your mom came home and made us clean everything up. I learned something else that day, I would never cook or attempt to cook with you again.
         The summer of our sophomore year in high school you were taking drivers education. You came over to my house so excited that you passed your test, so to celebrate you wanted to take us out to dinner. You pulled into a parking lot of a little cafe and as you got out of your car I was still trying to wrap my head around how you passed your drivers test. The whole time in the car I felt like I was going to die. As we were sitting in a booth inside of the cafe you told me that I was exaggerating about how bad your driving is. I just agreed to disagree because I didn't want to argue with someone who was as stubborn as I was. The waiter came to get our orders and I ordered a burger and some fries whereas you ordered pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, juice, and toast. Even after you ate all that you still ate half of my meal ending the night with syrup and ketchup on your face. I took a picture of you because you looked ridiculous and it was just another memory to be captured in time.
      Senior year is when I had my first major heartbreak and you were there to pick up all the pieces. Whether it was to make me laugh and smile or to check up on me or to just distract me you were there. A couple months after the break up you were at my house and we were studying for finals. As I was focusing i felt something hard hit me, you shot me with a nerf gun bullet. You moaned and groaned about how I wasn't being fun and how I should take a break and loosen up once in a while. As usual I gave in and we ended up not studying that night. Instead we went for a walk around our neighborhood. You spotted this opening in the trees so you grabbed my hand and lead the way in. Inside was a big old oak tree, you claimed you were a professional tree climber so you climbed up to the second branch trying to persuade me to come up with you. I complied and sat up on the tree branch with you, you weren't talking and I thought there was something wrong because you're always talking about something, but as I looked at you I realised you were looking at the breathtaking view ahead. We just sat there in silence just enjoying eachothers company until you spoke up and told me that you wanted this to be our spot. A spot where we can come to together or alone and talk, think, breathe. Agreeing to his idea we wrote our initials in the bark on our now favorite tree, making sure that everyone knew this was our place. 
     Sooner than we realised prom was a couple of weeks away, neither of us had dates so we decided to stay home. I remember that night so well, it seems just like it was yesterday.  You wanted to go to the tree and we went. We talked for awhile, about life, our future, until I got bored and suggested that we go to the cafe . We ordered what we did the first time you brought me here and once again you ended up with food all over your face. People were staring at us because we were laughing like goons, and disrupting the little restaurant. So after arguing with me about who pays the bill I agreed to let you do the honours, and we drove off to the old tree house we built with our dads. When we were younger the tree house seemed like a huge tower and the latter was an escape from the lava full of monsters, its still an escape just not from the lava and monsters. You and me were laying down just looking at the stars when you started talking to me about your view on life. You said” The world is a big and scary place, unknown to  kids and feared from adults. Its important to have at least one person to go into the unknown and the fear with you, and im glad that I have you.” That made me quiet for a while, just trying to see the world from your perspective and I finally got it. You were scared. Scared of being alone, scared of being forgotten and scared of not being remembered. I didnt say anything about it I just hummed in response.
     There was an after party after graduation, it was more of a last night with our high school friends. We were at the party for a while having a good time, just talking with our friends and our futures. After the party had died down a bit, we said goodbye to our friends and made our way out to your car. You were driving and I didn't know where but I just went along with it. We were listening to music having a good time, screaming the lyrics at the top of our voices, probably sounding like a bunch of seals but we didn't care. You were talking to me, looking at me, not looking at the road, and before I could even get a sentence out of my mouth, the truck hit us. It hit us from the side and everything went by so fast. The pain on the right side of my body was excruciating, there was glass everywhere and cuts on my arm. I looked to my left and saw your head against the steering wheel, your head was all bloody, and you weren't moving. I started screaming for help and I didn't stop until the police and the ambulance came. The paramedics were trying to get me out first but I begged for them to help you first. After they got you out of the car, they put you in an ambulance and took you to the hospital. They took me shortly after, telling me that I had broken my right arm and leg. The doctor fixed me up and put a cast on noticing that I was eager to see if you were okay, when i got to the hall I asked to see what room you were in and the nurse told me that you were in surgery because you had severe brain hemorrhaging. I sat there in the hall crying and waiting for the doctor to come out and tell me how you were. But when he did, it felt like my whole world stopped. He told me that while releasing the pressure from your brain it started to bleed out and there was nothing that he or anyone else could do. I couldn't breathe from crying so hard, my heart physically hurt knowing that I would never see you again. I ran as fast as I could back to your house and I cried with your parents, and I didn't know what to do while your parents were crying so I went to your room and I sat on your bed just looking around. I decided to go back home and sleep. When I woke up I was going to call you but then I remembered all of the events that took place last night. I felt numb, like I couldn't move, I couldn't think. I was lost without you. Things stayed like that for a while, I didn't do anything, I wasn't the same, I never laughed or smiled or talked anymore. When your funeral came, I couldn't do the eulogy because I couldn't stand there looking  at your lifeless body. 
   I visited your funeral everyday, to tell you how I was or a new joke that I made up or how your family is. Everytime that I went to your grave, in a weird way, I always felt like you were there, laughing with me, listening to me, talking to me. About a year after your death I wasn't so sad anymore. I missed you like crazy but I realised that you hated it when I was sad and that you would want me to be happy and start my life, and thats exactly what I did. Im in college now studying to be a lawyer and making new friends and having a good time. I carry a picture of us everywhere I go just so you could experience everything with me. I know that you're in a better place and that makes me happy. 

I feel like like ive lost time restarting the memories of us. I snap out of my thoughts to come to reality where my coffee is steamless, my hands aren't warm anymore and its gotten dark out. I ask for the check , and just like many times before , I get up, only to come back the next day.

the end. 1

     I was sitting at the little cafe we used to go to and as i'm sitting in our old booth, coffee in my hand just absorbing the warmth. I found myself watching a movie of our memories. I was sitting there smiling, probably looking like an idiot, because I remembered all the times you would take me here. You would call me when I was studying, when I was reading, and when I was just slumming it. You were always up for an adventure, and that was one of the things that I liked about you. 
              I remember the first time that I met you, you were really quiet and always played by yourself. No one ever included you in anything. My friends were picking on you and I stood up to them and played with you instead. Since that day we were stuck like glue. Everywhere you went I went and everywhere I went you went. When we got a little older we found a park to hang out at and we would have competitions to see who could swing the highest. I always won so you made a new rule to add to the competition so you could see who was better. We had to see who could swing the highest and jump off of the swing mid air. You won of course but you also broke your arm. At first I thought it was funny but it was that blood curdling scream that sent chills through my body that made me realise I should get you home. When we arrived back at your house you, your mom, and myself drove to the hospital. After the doctor put the cast on I came into the room and saw that you sitting on a chair, The doctor asked which color wrap you wanted around the cast and you picked red and smiled at me, knowing it was my favorite color. 
       In middle school, I had lost a lot of confidence in myself because I was worried more about what other people thought of me than what I thought of myself. This caused me to distance myself from you because I was paranoid and I was putting myself down and this also caused my grades to go down which caused a lot more stress on me and my parents. I was constantly getting in trouble and I never did what I was told, which caused me to resent my parents because I thought that they were against me or something. You stepped in and told me to stop self pitying and to own up to my mistakes. You helped me through it all, my relationship with my family, you helped me get my grades up, and you also built my self confidence slowly but surely. After the mess with school and my family we hung out a lot more than we did, which was a lot.
         You wanted me to come over one day after school which wasn't out of the ordinary for us. As I was walking to your house in the brisk evening air, I was playing around with the fog that emitted from my mouth into the cool night just to pass time faster. When I got to your house we watched the movie Children of the Corn because horror movies were our favorite. After the movie had finished we turned around on the couch facing each other sitting indian style just looking at eachother until you decided to play twenty one questions. We already knew almost everything about eachother but you said that its always good to play because you learn something new about the person you're playing with, and you couldn't have been more right because that was when I found out that you liked to cook. Having learned this new-found information, I told you to cook me something. You tried to make me spaghetti but you over cooked it in the process. So we settled on trying to bake a cake together. What a mistake that was. I remember that I was stirring the batter and you decided it would be funny to throw flour at me and my idea of revenge was to spray you with the kitchen hose. After your mom came home and made us clean everything up. I learned something else that day, I would never cook or attempt to cook with you again.
         The summer of our sophomore year in high school you were taking drivers education. You came over to my house so excited that you passed your test, so to celebrate you wanted to take us out to dinner. You pulled into a parking lot of a little cafe and as you got out of your car I was still trying to wrap my head around how you passed your drivers test. The whole time in the car I felt like I was going to die. As we were sitting in a booth inside of the cafe you told me that I was exaggerating about how bad your driving is. I just agreed to disagree because I didn't want to argue with someone who was as stubborn as I was. The waiter came to get our orders and I ordered a burger and some fries whereas you ordered pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage, juice, and toast. Even after you ate all that you still ate half of my meal ending the night with syrup and ketchup on your face. I took a picture of you because you looked ridiculous and it was just another memory to be captured in time.
      Senior year is when I had my first major heartbreak and you were there to pick up all the pieces. Whether it was to make me laugh and smile or to check up on me or to just distract me you were there. A couple months after the break up you were at my house and we were studying for finals. As I was focusing i felt something hard hit me, you shot me with a nerf gun bullet. You moaned and groaned about how I wasn't being fun and how I should take a break and loosen up once in a while. As usual I gave in and we ended up not studying that night. Instead we went for a walk around our neighborhood. You spotted this opening in the trees so you grabbed my hand and lead the way in. Inside was a big old oak tree, you claimed you were a professional tree climber so you climbed up to the second branch trying to persuade me to come up with you. I complied and sat up on the tree branch with you, you weren't talking and I thought there was something wrong because you're always talking about something, but as I looked at you I realised you were looking at the breathtaking view ahead. We just sat there in silence just enjoying eachothers company until you spoke up and told me that you wanted this to be our spot. A spot where we can come to together or alone and talk, think, breathe. Agreeing to his idea we wrote our initials in the bark on our now favorite tree, making sure that everyone knew this was our place. 
     Sooner than we realised prom was a couple of weeks away, neither of us had dates so we decided to stay home. I remember that night so well, it seems just like it was yesterday.  You wanted to go to the tree and we went. We talked for awhile, about life, our future, until I got bored and suggested that we go to the cafe . We ordered what we did the first time you brought me here and once again you ended up with food all over your face. People were staring at us because we were laughing like goons, and disrupting the little restaurant. So after arguing with me about who pays the bill I agreed to let you do the honours, and we drove off to the old tree house we built with our dads. When we were younger the tree house seemed like a huge tower and the latter was an escape from the lava full of monsters, its still an escape just not from the lava and monsters. You and me were laying down just looking at the stars when you started talking to me about your view on life. You said” The world is a big and scary place, unknown to  kids and feared from adults. Its important to have at least one person to go into the unknown and the fear with you, and im glad that I have you.” That made me quiet for a while, just trying to see the world from your perspective and I finally got it. You were scared. Scared of being alone, scared of being forgotten and scared of not being remembered. I didnt say anything about it I just hummed in response.
     There was an after party after graduation, it was more of a last night with our high school friends. We were at the party for a while having a good time, just talking with our friends and our futures. After the party had died down a bit, we said goodbye to our friends and made our way out to your car. You were driving and I didn't know where but I just went along with it. We were listening to music having a good time, screaming the lyrics at the top of our voices, probably sounding like a bunch of seals but we didn't care. You were talking to me, looking at me, not looking at the road, and before I could even get a sentence out of my mouth, the truck hit us. It hit us from the side and everything went by so fast. The pain on the right side of my body was excruciating, there was glass everywhere and cuts on my arm. I looked to my left and saw your head against the steering wheel, your head was all bloody, and you weren't moving. I started screaming for help and I didn't stop until the police and the ambulance came. The paramedics were trying to get me out first but I begged for them to help you first. After they got you out of the car, they put you in an ambulance and took you to the hospital. They took me shortly after, telling me that I had broken my right arm and leg. The doctor fixed me up and put a cast on noticing that I was eager to see if you were okay, when i got to the hall I asked to see what room you were in and the nurse told me that you were in surgery because you had severe brain hemorrhaging. I sat there in the hall crying and waiting for the doctor to come out and tell me how you were. But when he did, it felt like my whole world stopped. He told me that while releasing the pressure from your brain it started to bleed out and there was nothing that he or anyone else could do. I couldn't breathe from crying so hard, my heart physically hurt knowing that I would never see you again. I ran as fast as I could back to your house and I cried with your parents, and I didn't know what to do while your parents were crying so I went to your room and I sat on your bed just looking around. I decided to go back home and sleep. When I woke up I was going to call you but then I remembered all of the events that took place last night. I felt numb, like I couldn't move, I couldn't think. I was lost without you. Things stayed like that for a while, I didn't do anything, I wasn't the same, I never laughed or smiled or talked anymore. When your funeral came, I couldn't do the eulogy because I couldn't stand there looking  at your lifeless body. 
   I visited your funeral everyday, to tell you how I was or a new joke that I made up or how your family is. Everytime that I went to your grave, in a weird way, I always felt like you were there, laughing with me, listening to me, talking to me. About a year after your death I wasn't so sad anymore. I missed you like crazy but I realised that you hated it when I was sad and that you would want me to be happy and start my life, and thats exactly what I did. Im in college now studying to be a lawyer and making new friends and having a good time. I carry a picture of us everywhere I go just so you could experience everything with me. I know that you're in a better place and that makes me happy. 

I feel like like ive lost time restarting the memories of us. I snap out of my thoughts to come to reality where my coffee is steamless, my hands aren't warm anymore and its gotten dark out. I ask for the check , and just like many times before , I get up and leave. Only to come back the next day.

the end